Home and Away Cast Axed, Replaced with Disney Cartoon As Northern Beaches Declares “Finally”

SUMMER BAY, PRNB — In a move described by the People’s Republic of the Northern Beaches as “long overdue” and “way cheaper than therapy,” the entire cast of Home and Away has been fired and replaced with a fully animated Disney Pixar cartoon version of Summer Bay.

The decision was announced at a press conference held between a juice cleanse pop-up and an activewear launch, where the People's Republic of the Northern Beaches Minister for Arts, Feelings and Other Non-Essential Services, Davo Dickenson from Davidson confirmed the long-running soap had “lost touch with its core audience of emotionally unavailable surfers and people who call cafes ‘institutions’.”

“For years, these actors have been pretending to work in a diner while clearly owning three investment properties and a Pilates reformer,” the Minister said. “The people demanded authenticity. Disney Pixar gave us a talking pelican with generational trauma. Democracy works.”

Under the new format, Summer Bay will be rendered entirely in pastel tones, with characters reimagined as wide-eyed cartoon archetypes. Alf Stewart will become a grumpy but lovable sea turtle. Platypus lifeguards will exclusively staff the Surf Club. Every emergency will be resolved in under 90 seconds by teamwork and a catchy chorus.

Disney Pixar Picking Where Actors Left Off

A Disney spokesperson confirmed the deal was signed after executives realised Home and Away already operated like a cartoon, just without the budget or the self-awareness. “We watched six episodes and counted 14 amnesias, nine mysterious arrivals, a bikey gang, 2 attempted murders, a cult, impaling on a metal pole, a caravan explosion, telepathic twins who weren’t related, an imaginary friend and one wedding cancelled due to…. Honestly can’t remember” the spokesperson said. “What is it this week, a train crash again? Of course it is. At this point, it’s basically animation already.”

The now-former cast were reportedly informed via a group text that read: ‘Thanks legends. Going in a new creative direction. Please return any emotional arcs you borrowed. The H&A team appreciate the years of signature melodramatic, slow-burn, and highly repetitive nature of how you applied your craft and will be in touch regarding an Australian version of The Bold and the Beautiful in the not so near future’.

One long-serving actor, who has been playing a troubled 27-year-old for 19 years, believes the decision came out of nowhere. “I thought I’d at least get another love triangle before being replaced by a digitally rendered wombat with better range,” he said. “But apparently the wombat can cry on cue and doesn’t need a beachside mansion by 30.”

Locals Unsure if They Care

Locals were divided, though most admitted they wouldn’t notice the change. “Honestly, I thought it was already animated,” said Angie from Avalon, adjusting her linen dress. “No one in real life has that many near-death experiences before brunch.”

Fern from Freshwater welcomed the move and thinks the cartoon feels more realistic than the current offering. “At least cartoons admit they’re fake,” she said. “These actors pretend they’re struggling while ordering $48 fish tacos at The Joey.”

Producers of Home and Away defended the decision, citing rising costs and actor cheekbones that kept tearing through wardrobe. “We ran the numbers,” a producer said. “One Disney animator costs less than a cast member’s hair and skin maintenance for a week. Plus, cartoons don’t age, unionise, or ask for their character to be kidnapped again because there’s a dip coming in the property market and they want to get in early for investment number 4.”

PRNB Government Maintining Tradition 

The Peoples Republic of the Northern Beaches government confirmed the animated series would still be set in Summer Bay and follow the same core themes: forbidden love, unexplained wealth, and people moving to town despite everything that’s happened there and astonishingly low survival rate. It will remain the McDonald's of Australian acting — quick, predictable, and you know exactly what you’re getting, even if it’s a bit, well, trashy. 

“This is about preserving tradition,” said Mary from Mona Vale while fixing her grey fringe, “as Minister for Creative Arts and Branding Criticism Toxic, I just want a format our children can watch while we pretend not to.”

Disney Pixar’s Home and Away is set to premiere later this year, with sources confirming the first episode will feature a musical number and at least one character washing up on the beach with no memory — voiced by Chris Hemsworth, obviously.

Disney’s Home and Away is set to premiere later this year, with sources confirming the first episode will feature a musical number and at least one character washing up on the beach with no memory — voiced by Chris Hemsworth, obviously.

Former cast members were last seen staring silently at the ocean, waiting for a dramatic close-up that will never come.